By Stephen Beech via SWNS
A mother’s love for her teenage child determines what sort of parent they grow up to be, according to new research.
Mom’s empathy for teens may predict teenagers’ empathy for their own friends, according to the 25-year American study.
The findings, published in the journal Child Development, provide the first long-term evidence for the transmission of “empathic care” across three generations: from mother to teen to child.
The researchers believe that interactions with close friends in adolescence may provide a “training ground” in which teens can practice providing care in their peer relationships and pay forward the empathy they experience from their mothers – which in turn may help strengthen their future parenting skills.
They say that supporting one generation of parents to model empathy toward their children may have long-term “ripple effects” on relationships across adolescence and into adulthood.
The University of Virginia research, which began in 1998, tracked 184 teens for more than two decades, from age 13 into their mid-30s.
Each year the participants visited the research lab with their parents and closest friend, and their interactions with each other were recorded on video.
When they were 13 years old, they were observed talking to their mother about a problem they needed help or advice about.
Researchers tracked how much empathy moms showed to their teens during that conversation.
Study author Dr. Jessica Stern said: “We looked for things like how emotionally engaged the mom was, whether she had an accurate understanding of the teen’s problem, and how much help and emotional support she provided to the teen.
“Then, every year for seven years after that, we observed teens talking to their closest friend about a problem their friend needed help with.
“We looked for those same types of empathic behaviors in how the teen treated their friends when they were ages 13 to 19.
“When some of those same teens were starting to have kids of their own about a decade later, we sent them surveys asking about their parenting behavior and their children’s empathy.
“What we found was that mothers’ empathy toward teens at age 13 predicted teens’ empathy for their closest friends across the adolescent years.
“For the teens who later had children, the ability to provide empathic support for close friends in late adolescence predicted more supportive parenting behavior in adulthood, and supportive parenting then predicted greater empathy in the next generation of young children.”
She added: “It may seem obvious that empathic parents tend to raise empathic kids, but we’re showing just how important it is for parents to show empathy toward their teenagers when they’re struggling because teens appear to internalize these experiences and “pay it forward” to friends and their own children.
“If we want to raise empathic kids, we need to give them first-hand experiences of being understood and supported, as well as opportunities to practice and refine these skills with their peers.
“Adults often underestimate the importance of teens being able to spend time with their friends.
“But experiences in close, supportive friendships as a teenager are actually really important for healthy development.
“Our findings suggest that adolescent friendships may be an underappreciated but essential context for developing critical social skills like empathy, responding appropriately to difficult emotions, and even later parenting.”
Dr. Stern says the most surprising finding was that teenagers who showed more empathy toward their best friends during adolescence were more likely to engage in supportive parenting practices when they had kids of their own, more than a decade later.
She said: “We often think that our parents shape the way we parent, but it turns out that our teenage friendships do, too.
“What we think is happening is that when you’re a teenager, close friendships are an important ‘training ground’ for developing social skills and learning how to care for others in more mature ways.
“So, when your friend is struggling, you can practice showing up, trying to understand their perspective, empathizing with their plight, and offering help.
“By strengthening the ‘muscle’ of empathy with their best friends, teens are building essential skills that seem to translate to effective caregiving when they become parents.”
Dr. Stern says the research team now plans to look at the impact of empathy that teenagers experienced from their fathers.
She added: “We also want to understand what factors might interrupt intergenerational cycles of low empathy and harsh parenting.
“It will be important to see whether positive experiences with highly empathic peers could compensate for a lack of empathy experienced in teens’ family of origin.
“You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends – so for teens, empowering them to choose friendships with a lot of mutual understanding and support could have long-term ripple effects for the next generation.”
